Day 22 April 8th

This is my twenty-second day in Malawi. I really never thought I would be here this long. I am such a planner by nature and this definitely was not in the plan. The thought that I don't have return plane tickets booked with a date knocks the breath out of me and makes the tears fall. I am only still in Malawi for two reasons. One: I am in the center of God's will and Two: I am trapped. At different moments throughout the day those two reasons take turns being the number one reason I am still here. But they are always the top two reasons. As far as being in the center of God's will.....I prayed specifically and diligently throughout this entire adoption process. I waited for God to open the right doors and tried hard not to knock them down before I was supposed to enter. I have to believe that God withheld the information regarding needing to have the immigration form registered prior to my travel because it was part of His divine plan. I have spent alot of time thinking about why God has chosen to keep me here when He knows my heart is breaking for my husband and children. Maybe its because many of the children in the orphanage have become critically ill while I have been here. Because I am here, Savannah-Hope is no longer in the orphanage where she could have been exposed. Savannah-Hope lost two pounds the month before I got here, now she has gained that back plus some extra padding. Maybe its because the Lord wanted me to do more for Savannah-Hope's village. Maybe its because He desired to draw me and my family closer to Him and us closer together. Shane and my parents have said that they have caught Zach off to himself several times. When they approach him he says that he is praying. My seven year old son is getting alone so he can be with God and pray. That really touches my heart.

As far as being trapped....there is no way to bring Savannah-Hope home without the approved adoption visa. Believe me I have thought of every possible way around this. There just is no other way. Now you may ask, can you leave Savannah-Hope there and go back for her? Well I could if .....I had $4000 for a plane ticket back to Malawi, or if I could stomach sending her back to the orphanage after I have been her primary caregiver for 22 days, or if I could complete the adoption visa without being present or if I thought I could spend some time with Shane and the kids and actually turn around and leave them again. Sometimes I am thankful I don't have the $4000 and don't have to really wrap my mind around leaving Savannah-Hope behind without me or Shane. She has suffered so much loss already. I can hang in there a few more days with God's help. Then honestly there are times I have thought of selling my organs on the black market just to get out of this place! When it comes down to it though, I am here. I have to be here. I need to make the best of this situation. One benefit I can see is that Savannah-Hope and I have developed such a strong bond that it will be much easier for me to place her in the arms of our family, extended family and friends when I return. This will also allow me sometime to reconnect with my bigger kids. I have to worn those of you that are coming to the airport. If you have a weak stomach for Public Displays of Affection, you better stay home because I plan on jumping right into my husband's arms and planting a big soap-opera style kiss all over his face!

**Notes from today**

• I went to town this morning to pick up the rest of the supplies for Savannah-Hope's village. I was able to purchase a box of bibles, a bicycle for the father, washing buckets, blankets, panties, wraps, cook pots and candy for the village children.
• Savannah-Hope stayed at home today with Mrs. Miller. Savannah-Hope has come down with a nasty cold. She has a green runny nose :( The roads to the village are very bumpy and dusty. I thought it would be better for her to stay at home and rest.
• We then drove to Tamandani's village and then to Sidala's. The father has now moved in with his new wife at her village and is completely separated from the twins and Jameson.
• We were warmly greeted and everyone was grateful for the supplies.
• I took some close up pictures of some of the children in the village so you can see the worms popping up from under their skin.
• I had some Malawian style Cheetos that the children found and began to gobble up. Even the ones that fell on the dirt ground and were smashed....they still ate them. They literally ate Cheetos dust mixed with dirt. It is no wonder they are so ridden with worms.
• Tamandani screamed the whole time. She seems like such an unhappy miserable baby. This just tears my heart in two.
• Sidala came right to me again and was just too cute.
• The last time I was at the village I forgot to bring candy for the children in the village. This time I brought several bags. Chrissie warned me about not handing it out to the people but rather wait till we were driving away and throw it out the window. Chrissie said she nearly lost a finger trying to hand it out. But I decided I wanted to hand it out directly and I am telling you it was quite the experience. I was scratched, yanked, pushed, fell into the van and bumped my head. This was mostly at Tamandani's village....they went crazy nuts for the candy. The adults were worse than the children. I wish I had this on video. It is a good thing I brought Clifford with me. Clifford normally guards the house during the day. If I go to town Lloyd my driver will look out for me. But today Clifford came along for extra back up and it's a good thing. There were moments I felt like a Brittney Spears and Clifford was my big bouncer dude keeping me safe. The people were yanking on my skirt and grabbing my shirt. It was surreal. At one point I asked Clifford if he was having fun and he said "No". Poor guy.
• At Sidala's village they were much more civilized about it, and I was more careful about where I stood and had an escape route. I was able to video the candy hand out at this village.
• I returned home extremely dirty from head to toe. I went straight to bathe and then scooped up sweet Savannah-Hope and snuggled with her for a while before bed.

Thanks for following along on our journey. I love the comments, please keep them coming. I really look forward to them each day. Thanks for your prayers!!!!