weariness, faithfulness, and rest

Weary is a mild word for the way my body and soul have felt the last week. I was hoping to leave Monday the 5th for Africa but still had no paper on Friday so I cancelled. The true reality of this set in Sunday night as I desperately ached to hold that angel in my arms forever. Then like a true retard I begin searching wait times for other families who are or have been waiting for the immigration papers..uh oh 3 families got their papers on the last day of THE 12TH WEEK!!! now the panic sets in ... and I think I might really die if I have to wait this long for Savannah-Hope :( My soul begins to get weary why is God making me wait? He knows I am ready for her NOW!!! I am pumping milk for heavens sake can I just tell ya pumping in 9 mos worth of hormones in a couple weeks is asking for the most emotional woman alive. I cried when we ran out of toilet paper, and when the laundry did not dry in time ...when the kids said I was the bestest mom and when the mail lady did not deliver MY PAPER!!( side note I am getting to where I am almost as excited to see the mail lady each day as I am to see my husband naked!!!) but the mail lady is such a tease she never follows through and my excitement turns to tears again!

Faithfulness -do I have enough? man with my body and soul becoming weary where is my faith? Is it in myself, the mail lady, the other bloggers waiting with me or in God's perfect plan with HIS perfect timing? It may seem obvious where it is or needs to be but this week has been such a struggle for some control over my life and journey with my new daughter. I want to get on the plane tomorrow to receive our beautiful new addition while in the same breath I feel like my heart is breaking knowing I will be on the other side of the world from the rest of my family. I have only left them twice for a couple days this is a whole different ballgame. Again where is my faith I know God will protect my children they are HIS children and God is protecting Savannah Hope who is also HIS child. This might seem obvious but my heart has felt so heavy trying to desperately plan my trip,prepare my kids get my school work done etc etc and I have cried out to God why the wait and the heartache to get to her we are all ready to begin our lives together ...I was forced to re-examine my heart the last couple days and found a few verses really helpful here is the first.. 1 peter 4:13 " But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when HIS glory is revealed" Wow I hear ya God loud and clear who am I to think this is all about me HE knows all the things that need to happen to get her home and knows when it will be perfect travel. Thank you God for the reminder :)

Rest- Today I took a nap a short nap but much needed. I also gave my soul a rest by once again turning this journey back over to my father who had it all under control without my input..duh which brings me to another verse that God just spoke to me today ..Matthew 11:28 -30" Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yolk upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your soul,for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Once again wow God thank you for the wake up call!! I am so grateful tonight to have a God whom carries my burdens and paves my path without my help.

I am still ready to go and I will continue to be excited when I hear the mail truck and see Shane naked !!! lol but I will rest in God relying on my faith in Him. I will praise him on the day I get that papers and I will praise him on the days that I don't!!!!!!!!!! I will praise him for my beautiful healthy children here in my arms and for the beautiful little princess in Africa that is in my heart!!

Please continue to pray with me on this incredible journey to Savannah-Hope Elizabeth Johnson!!